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School Response - Katy's Story
The following takes the hypothesis of a school setting, a sudden unexpected death of a parent (we’ll make it her father) at the weekend, and a young person (we’ll call her Katy) aged around 10. It raises some of the stages and issues that may prove helpful in managing the impact of the death on your community or school setting. It makes some assumptions, (for example, that Katy returns to school after a few days rather than the same morning) and needs some adaptation depending on who has died and the age of the child/children involved.
Short term- The school is informed of the death over the weekend. Katy and her family are consulted on how the rest of the school will learn about the death.
- The head rings a helpline (like Simon Says, Winstons Wish) for some reassurance that she is ‘on the right lines’
- Katy’s class teacher, Mr Sharples, is informed and arrangements made for someone to cover his class for registration and his first lesson if necessary; if it seems appropriate, he gives Katy a quick ring to express his sympathy and support
- The rest of the staff is informed. It is agreed whether each class teacher will tell their class or if the head teacher will visit all the classes to tell what has happened to Katy’s family
- A quick reminder of any other child in the school who has been previously bereaved is given to teachers to prepare them to offer additional support
- A letter is produced for everyone in the school to take home to their parents, outlining what has happened. Additional information is prepared on some possible reactions and responses that the children may show in the next few days and weeks and on helpline support. All pupils in Katy’s class take this home and parents of other children may request a copy
- A letter of condolence is sent to Katy’s family
Medium term – before Katy’s return to school
- Staff are kept informed and encouraged to acknowledge the death to and with Katy
- They are encouraged to talk with their class about how Katy and her family may be feeling and how they will support her on her return. A simple form of words such as ‘I am really sorry to hear about your father’s death, Katy’ is suggested for those who are unsure what to say
- Katy’s own class and group of friends have an additional session focusing on feelings connected with loss and grief
- Mr Sharples visits Katy at home to tell her what has been happening at school and inform her and her family of how the school has been told about her father’s death. They agree together what will happen on her return to school. It may be that Katy wants to tell the whole class what has happened or that she would prefer Mr Sharples to say something simple to acknowledge her return
Medium term – when Katy returns to school
- Mr Sharples is waiting when she arrives and they have some time together. During this time, he will check that Katy is still happy with their plans for her return to class.
- Katy and her teacher identify an adult supporter for her and she is told that she can dip out of lessons whenever she needs to for the next few days and seek out her chosen supporter. This may be her class teacher or the school secretary or one of the other teachers.
- Katy and her teacher rejoin the rest of the class. Katy tries to tell people what has happened but is overcome with tears, her teacher gently finishes the account, giving the class as much information as is known and Katy’s family are comfortable with being shared about the death.
- Both Katy and Mr Sharples make the point that she wants people to talk to her about what has happened and to understand that she will cry sometimes. It is also acknowledged that many others in the class knew and liked Katy’s dad who helped out with school drama productions.
- Time is set aside at the end of the day for Katy to spend a little while with Mr Sharples checking out how things have been during the day, any changes she would like to make to the next day (where possible) and agreeing a plan for the following morning. Maybe a group of Katy’s friends could wait outside and walk in with her.
Longer term
- With discussions with the family, it is agreed how the school will mark the funeral. It may be that some staff attend and some friends of Katy’s. Other members of the school may wish to contribute memories of Katy’s father
- Mr Sharples, in agreement with the rest of the staff, arranges a system for Katy whenever the pressure of grief builds up. She may be allowed ‘time out’ or to seek out her supporter
- The school ensures that Katy’s family knows about any local child bereavement service and also provides information on national services. This may involve making a referral to any such service
- Mr Sharples compiles a ‘calendar of memories’ – noting any dates that will be especially sensitive for Katy – the anniversary of the death, for example, her father’s birthday, Father’s Day. This calendar can follow her through the school and on to her next school
Story taken from Winstons Wish
